Cussin' Island

Hello, kiddies
No, it's not Mr. Rogers
It's Jimmy, with a little tale
Hmm, maybe you'll like this

I know, I never should have written this song
I know, I'm in trouble if your kids sing along
I hope you don't misconstrue
This could be my Waterloo if you do
And I know the same thing could happen to you

Cruisin' down the coast of Panama with my kids
Snorkelin' with the stingrays, 'cudas and the squids
Things were goin' way too well
All of a sudden heaven turned into hell
If you dare to venture out on the ocean
It's unavoidable to face some commotion
My kids were fightin' on the foredeck
What the hell would Huck Finn do?

Hey, young lady, did I just hear you call
Your brother a stupid little shit?
You know you're not allowed to use those words
Now apologize lickety split

That's why I'm takin' you to Cussin' Island
Headin' this boat south
I think you should know
That's where I met Cousteau
And we will work on your potty mouth
And when we get to Cussin' Island
I'm gonna drop you on the beach
Anchor way out, get ready for the bout
And watch you exercise your freedom of speech

At first they looked a little frightened and dismayed
Just like those weird contestants on Naked and Afraid
It started with a smirk, then the dirty words came gushin'
I saw dolphins swimmin' by, even they were blushin'
I stood there on the bow feelin' like a hypocrite
As they fired unholy salvos like a German Messerschmitt
And they cussed horseflies, homework, Taliban and Barney
Piano lessons, etiquette sessions, wakin' up too early
Makin' beds, takin' meds, invasion of our space
They kept it up until they both turned blue in the face

World on our shoulders
Feelin' like boulders
We're tired, please give us a hand
This is some weird shit
Cussin' ain't worth it
Let's bury those words in the sand

Downwind, I could hear every word loud and clear
Having second thoughts of bringin' them here
It was just a split second decision
Their repertoire was never envisioned
Past time to put an exit plan into gear

Time flies, now all my little pirates are grown
Soon they'll be raisin' buccaneers of their own
Do I think they learned a lesson?
Or was it just a silly ass show?
Well, the answer is part of the problem
The simple truth, fuck no

That's why we have to have Cussin' Island
Our rally point and rendezvous
I've sailed many a mile, collected millions of smiles
And I know the same thing could happen to you

That's right, it could happen to you
And you know where it could happen to you?
Cussin' Island