Here's one of the two of us
 
 In 1954 don't laugh
 
 I keep all of the pictures
 
 Are you going to take a photograph
 
 Here's something nice for you
 
 A dear old thing came to a show
 
 Last time here we did
 
 An interview on local radio
 
 
 Make yourself at home my darling
 
 Come on in
 
 Hand me down that jar love
 
 Can I offer you a gin
 
 
 We're proud to be the oldest
 
 Ugly sisters in variety
 
 There's not the glamour now
 
 You see what happened to society
 
 There's another light bulb gone
 
 They don't all answer to the switch
 
 I don't know how we carry on
 
 And her she couldn't care the bitch
 
 
 But in a while the old boys
 
 In the band begin to play
 
 And in a while the houselights
 
 And the curtains slide away
 
 
 And something's going to happen
 
 To make your whole life better
 
 Your whole life better one day
 
 Something's going to happen
 
 To make your whole life better
 
 Your whole life better one day
 
 
 Now the landlady's all squared away
 
 It's just a temporary deal
 
 I'm afraid tonight it's take-away
 
 You see there is no evening meal
 
 Don't worry dear you shall go to the ball
 
 I think the fairy said
 
 These suitcases have seen it all
 
 From under someone else's bed
 
 
 You want to smile those tears away
 
 Now don't you cry
 
 You want to know what I say
 
 I say never say die
 
 
 ‘Cos something's going to happen
 
 To make your whole life better
 
 Your whole life better one day
 
 Something's going to happen
 
 To make your whole life better
 
 Your whole life better one day